I'm having a really hard time with Laila recently. And I just don't know if it's her age, a phase, our personalities or my impatience...If I knew what it was I could probably do something about it. If I was sure it's just a phase most kids go through at this age, then I could cope knowing it won't last forever!
I feel like I never have a nice word to say to her, I try, I do try but then within minutes, or sometimes seconds she makes me so cross again I'm back to shouting or telling her off. And it's not just me, François, who usually has a lot more patience than I do, finds himself in the same situation.
I know we're generally quite hard on her, we're not really really strict, but we do put limits down for her and we do stick to them. She doesn't like this. Of course she doesn't, she's 5!
She is constantly asking for new things, more things, things that her friends have, things that she sees on TV, things that she's imagined which would be impossible to buy even if we could! It grates on our nerves, I get cross because I'm not materialistic and I'd hate for her to be. This could just be her age, but I think we both come down hard on this one because she seems so ungrateful for what she has, takes things for granted and wants more and more all the time.
She has a lot of things, tons of toys, the majority of which she doesn't play with anyway, I'm so tempted to sell them on again. What makes me more cross is that she probably wouldn't care. We don't buy them a lot of toys, they were Christmas or Birthday presents mainly from a large family.
We're trying to teach her the value of money, we use the money argument a lot. I think it is actually starting to work slowly but surely.
She's a negotiater, if she can't have something NOW, she wants to know exactly when she will get it. She's has an excellent concept of time, knows exactly which day, week, month, year we're in, what event is coming up next etc. So if she can have a date in mind when she'll get to have something, it makes her better, but a lot of the time it's still not good enough and she wants it NOW.
She has no patience (if you read above you'll know where that comes from!), she asks to do something or to have something, and it has to be NOW, right this minute and not a second later. If you haven't got the thing for her, or started doing the thing with her by the time she's finished asking for it, you're in trouble!! Of course, because of this and the way she asks, she ends up not getting it at all, or having to wait longer than she would have.
She so desperately wants to be a grown up, she wants to know how old you have to be to have earrings, how old to sit in the front seat, how old to drive the car, how old to have chewing gum...etc.etc.
She acts like a spoiled brat, I hate spoiled brats! The worst thing is I don't think she is spoiled. So which way do we go, do we cut down even more on the things we give her or do we ride it out?
I think it's good for her to get frustrated because she wants something and can't have it, I think that teaches her a good lesson for life. There's a long list of things I want, but can't have and I manage just fine to live without them!
I just want a nice sweet girl, who plays nicely with her dolls and says please and thank you all the time and doesn't cry and moan all the time. Is that too much to ask for?!!
Do you know even just reading this through, my errors are staring out
at me. Are we actually teaching her the correct way to ask for things,
and explaining properly that things take time, we must be patient,
things cost money, we have to save, maybe next month etc.
No
we're not doing those things, because we're constantly fighting the
latest battle and it's exhausting, we're tired and so we just argue
back.
Just to reassure you, we have some wonderful moments with her, where she's funny and sweet and generous, she'll share her last chocolate with her little brother, but then these moments are forgotton because the next argument starts. I want time to enjoy these moments and appreciate her, and I'm not getting to do that right now.
Please be honest with your thoughts, share your experiences, when you're in the middle of it all, it's hard to see clearly....
6 comments:
We have the same thing with Jonathan so often; he wants everything so badly and at 7 he has learned wilier but still transparent ways of trying to wheedle things out of us (or more embarrassingly other people) and it is awful. Oddly Anna is the other way and often says "I don't mind if I don't have anything" which weirdly worries me just as much; I hope she will not be a pushover in later life. I vaguely remember being horribly materialistic as a child and now I'd like to think I haven't turned out too bad! My motto as a parent is rapidly becoming "This too shall pass"... I try to keep consistent and try not to feel too guilty about the bad times but it's not easy!
oh thank you Jo, you don't know how much better I feel reading your comment!! I will sleep easier and handle it better tomorrow!! xxx
Hang in there my dear. I think a lot of it is a phase. We deal with some of that too but our kids are actually pretty good about dealing with us saying no. It gets kind of embarrassing though when you are in the store and you say no to a new toy and your kid yells out ... "Why can't I have it? Don't we have any money?"
I think a part of it is consistency as Jo said and also. Our kids pretty much know they are not getting new things unless it's a special occasion or they have done something really good to earn it. They will now ask to do chores to earn money so they can save up for things they want.
I know it's hard in the moment, but I do think, sometimes instead of just yelling you should calmly explain the reasoning behind your rules. Laila is old enough to understand waiting or working for things.
:-) xoxoxo
Oh goodness wish I had an answer. You guys are aware of the problem though and are working through it and THAT I think is what always matter most with children. If it's one thing I'm sure your doing is being consistent and she will learn. We all want perfect kids and nothing grates more when they push and push to the limits and often times beyond. You know you don't spoil them so I would think this is just a phase and something that you will get to the end of. Then it will be something else as it usually goes. Sorry I don't have an answer but just didn't want to read and run. I'll probably be in the same state at some point too...
thanks everyone, today was a much better day, she didn't ask for ANYTHING and was an angel! Maybe she read my post LOL!
It's reassuring for me to read this too because Juliette has been going through this stage too. Last year she didn't ask so much for toys at the store but now it can be pretty intense. There are moments she's a real pill at home not wanting to clear up her stuff at all. Mornings I feel I basically am pushing her to get dressed and eat. So I'm thinking it is really in part their age. They also are mastering the language now and trying their best to manipulate us. I guess being firm is the best we can do and explaining that we don't have money to buy everything they want and that they already have so many toys! Good luck and know you're not alone.
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