An English friend, who's daughter turns 5 tomorrow, emailed to ask how Laila's birthday went. She told me the plans for her daughters party at a soft play centre this year rather than the village hall, and said for her little girl it's all about the party bag! Every party they go to, that's what's important, the piece of plastic trash that they get to bring back in a bag and the sugary sweets that will be added to the pile of leftovers from Halloween and Christmas!
She asked if it was the same here, is it all about the party bag?
Party bag in France? Hmm, first there's have to be a party right?
From our limited experience, I don't think the French have birthday parties the same way us Anglophones might. Certainly, I don't think they start as early as we do, and I don't think they would ever invite the whole class! There is absolutely no pressure to bow to. For example Laila's best friend from school turned 5 in October, she was really hoping for an invite to her house, it's all Laila talked about for weeks. But nothing came, the birthday came and went. The friend brought her cake to school on the day and that was it. Laila was actually fine about this thank goodness, we explained to her that not everyone has parties, which has taken the pressure off for us now too.
In fact I think we've only been to 2 birthdays here, and please believe me it's not through a lack of friends, Laila has plenty of those. The biggest annual birthday party we go to is for our English friends girl. It starts at 4pm, the kids get a cooked tea of chicken nuggets and chips, followed by birthday cake. They get organised games, and party bags. There are balloons, the kids are dressed in party clothes and there's music. Even the adults are expected to stay and we get chilli and chips and alcohol! All the guests are British, but I'm looking forward to the year when the little girl in question wants to invite her French friends from school, I want to be at that party and observe the reactions of the French parents!
The other birthday was a friend from school, the invites were by email, very understated, we bought a present and turned up at 4pm on a Wednesday (the day when there's no school). The kids played outside (it was September), they came in briefly for cake and present opening, then carried on playing outside! That was it! The mums got to chat inside over a cup of tea or go home if they wanted to.
There was really no difference to an ordinary "gouter", except for the presents!
The French do know how to have parties, they do hire out village halls and have caterers and music and games, but more often than not that's for an adults birthday!
Whenever we celebrate birthdays with our French family, i.e. one of our 6 nieces or nephews, it's a big palaver to find a weekend where everyone can get together, decide where everyone can sleep etc. Sometimes we have to do a 4 hour drive to get there, and all that happens is a family dinner followed by cake with a candle. We sing Happy Birthday and the child opens his presents. There's no balloons, no banner, no games, nothing out of the ordinary except for the presents! For me it always feels like a let down, but I was brought up in a different culture.
I'm pretty sure if I ask François he'll tell me he's never had a birthday party, I did make a big fuss for his 30th though.
I've only had 3 big parties (5th, 18th and 30th), but without fail every year I had a birthday tea, where I was allowed to invite a handful of friends for sandwiches, biscuits, sweets and cake. I remember them all quite well, but I think my parents have always enjoyed birthdays and celebrated them properly, because even now they're the first to ask what the plans are when it's someone's birthday!
The next one in our family is Max. I am definitely not inviting friends for his, there is no peer pressure that says I have to, he's too young and it'll be much nicer with just family around us.
He can, however, have balloons and the birthday banner but there'll be no party bag, sorry!
2 comments:
Interesting. I think my fave thing about reading your blog is learning about how things are done in the different cultures. We are going to a 7 yr olds party this Saturday. They've rented out a bowling alley and there will most def be cake, pizza, balloons and goody bags.
It is kind of nice not to have pressure to do a big party in France. I just do a hybrid of low-key, cake, playing. But I agree the French don't seem to celebrate quite the same way we Anglophones do. I had to teach my husband the importance of birthdays! PS: nice Friday song, very Brit pop!
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